Multimedia Arts Organization Promoting Life and Healing After Abortion. Producers of the Live Production - The Life Ballet - and
Arise Sweet Sarah Film and Soundtrack.
A Letter of Regret
From Ami
My Dearest Little One,
The day that you were taken from my womb was, and continues to be, the darkest day of my life. I remember as if God was setting the stage for the event, it was gloomy and raining that day. I woke up with my stomach doing cartwheels and my heart in a million pieces knowing what was going to happen and knowing that I had no control over the matter. See, you were conceived because of a rape and I was just a child myself. I was only thirteen when I got the news that you were growing on the inside of me. When I first heard that I was filled with fear and sorrow because I knew that I would have to tell my mom that her boyfriend had raped me. I had every intention of taking that with me to the grave. I didn't want to hurt her and I was afraid of what he would do if I said anything. After the dust settled and the truth had come out, I realized that even though I was afraid you were the only good thing in a horrible situation. My darling child, I wanted you. I knew that you weren't to blame for what had happened. That you were the innocent one in a guilty situation. My mother, however, was convinced that you needed to be dealt with? As those words came from her I was filled with rage. What did she mean by deal with you? I fought her and pleaded with her to let me keep you. She told me if I did, we would have to leave her house. That we would live on the streets. I felt as though my back was hard pressed against a wall. She had me cornered and I felt as though choice was taken from me. When I awoke from the doctor ripping you out of me I could feel the gaping hole that you left within me. Never had I felt so empty before. A small cluster of tissue, they had said. To me you were my baby and I wanted to kill myself for allowing them to kill you. I have never gotten over your absence from my life. I think of you often, of what could have been. You would be turning 12 soon. My solace is that I know you are safe with Jesus. That He takes better care of you than I ever could. I long for the day that we will play together in heaven. I know that the moment I see you I will know exactly who you are. You are my dearest little one. My precious baby and I love you.
Love,
Ami
